The house makes sounds early dawn

So I was staying up late today and the clock shows 4.18am. Burning the midnight oil to catch up on work while the rest of the world at least in this part of the world are asleep.

I first heard it at 4am an echo caused by metal clanging on my chrome staircase railings. Soft but firm. I ignored it and sure enough it repeated within five minutes. Then the story that I heard last week about the recent death of the teenage girl who used to grow up in my current house replayed itself in my mind. This girl grew up with her family and walked up and down these stairs for many years before they moved away and just recently early June passed away suddenly. The father actually dropped by and burned incense and placed apples and oranges under the tree in front of our house about a week after her death. Perhaps he has this belief that her soul may wander back to her childhood home and no incense burning for her to sustain her soul (Chinese belief which is more cultural than religious). 

My overactive mind started whirring louder and I half expected to see lurking at every corner, a female figure in white with long straight rebonded hair like how the Asian horror movies portray their female spirits. Then I calmed myself down and took a deep breath and feel the atmosphere, a lizard just tsk tsk tsk away as if shaking its head at my foolish thoughts and fear of this poor girl's spirits. If anything I should offer a silent prayer to the spirit of this teenage girl and may she rest in peace and may her surviving father find peace in her loss.

RIP 😢 May all beings be well and happy. 

Have a calm weekend everyone.

 

Three Deaths and Joy Combo In Life

We all know that we are all going to die some day. Yet the way some people behave is like they have a death wish or they feel they still have a lot of time left on Earth and they can afford to squander away precious time and resources, depends on how you look at it.

My first memory of death was of my grandma lying down on a hospital bed and my mom opened the window and we peeked in from outside as I was barely 5 back in May 1985. The image is clearly etched in my memory, my grandma with her eyes closed and being given the oxygen mask, even at four years old I knew death is a grave thing and it was not fun or an occassion for merry making. The next thing I remember was a blur of activities and many strangers coming into the family home and we all had to don white and black, and my mom with her pregnant belly, kneeling down over the coffin and crying. My baby sister was born less than 3 months later before my grandma's 100 days after her passing. My first encounter with death and joy of birth happening almost simultaneously.

Fast forward to a joyful childhood where I grew up being the only Chinese-speaking girl in my class of 37, and having to learn a new language(s) with my playmates, to a dramatic move away from my childhood town to my parents' hometown with more teenage angst and hormonal outbursts and finally University and my first job and finally a decent boyfriend that my parents approve of lol.

My second encounter with death and joy was in the year of 2007. My grandpa died 10 days before my wedding reception in my hometown. It was really a mixed feeling. I was quite close to my grandpa and from wearing white and delivering his eulogy at his funeral, I was made to change into a red outfit immediately after he was laid to rest as I was to be a bride in the next week. According to Chinese customs, white or black signify sadness or bad luck or death, and red or bright colours signify joy and birth and happy occassions or celebration like New Year or weddings.

Another red and white occassion and it happened within such a short span of time. 

Things happen in threes just because it is the favourite number of the Universe or so I believe, in 2013 my son was born earlier than his due date and exactly 30 days later my mother-in-law passed away. It was all predestined, earlier birth that was unplanned, and 30 days later the death that occurred on the day the red eggs were distributed. Chinese customs usually see people giving out red eggs (the egg shell dyed with edible food dye) as red signifies happiness). It was another mixed emotions occassion for everyone. We took it in stride and mourned while not being too consumed by grief as we had our long awaited newborn son to take care of. 

In times like this I felt that it was a good test of our mettle and inner strength, it was also a good training field for us to practise equanimity where we ain't supposed to be too carried away by happiness and excitement nor are we supposed to be drowning in grief and despair. We consider ourselves to be privileged to be thrown such challenges because what doesn't kill you really make you stronger and hopefully wiser.

This time around life is Kind. And we are thankful for that. We can truly enjoy our newborn baby girl and I feel like it is a second chance for us to enjoy a peaceful start to enjoying infanthood, a chance denied to us the first round as death was looming as my late mother-in-law exceeded doctors' prognosis and stayed alive with her resolve to see her unborn grandson. This time around we truly appreciate the gift of life that we receive and for that we are truly grateful.

I always remind myself having experienced death and joy simultaneously three times in my life so far: "At the end of our life here on earth, when it is the last of our hour, when we are about to breathe our last and the inhale was never followed by an exhale, what will be my final thoughts? I just know that my final thought should be and must be happy and contented with no regrets of a life lived well." ~ Sue Tiong

Three ways to spot an Energy Drainer

The energy you give out really matters.

A friend was telling me that her dog got really sick the past few months and then she figured out perhaps the dog is absorbing her stress which started almost at the same time the dog got sick. Then the moment a big project was over the dog naturally recovered.

I don't know about others but for me I thrive in happiness and feeling light and I shun negative people and steer clear of negative conversation whenever I can.

We only have so much energy in a day. Imagine waking up to a full bar of energy.

If we meet a drainer who is full of negativity your energy bar may be drained and depleted within no time.

I have been guilty of being a drainer a decade ago and I apologise to many who knew me at my worst and I truly am sorry for draining you guys so much to the extend I lost some relationships. 

A drainer usually has these characteristics as per my observation:

1. "Woe is me" Mentality

The drainer always have a problem. He/she always like to repeat her problem to anyone who can listen, and with each telling of the problem, the drainer actually enjoys recounting it and got energised just by telling the problem to many people and got a rush of telling it. In the end the listener feels drained while the drainer went on to the next person to be the target listener and the draining process continues. Change the topic when the same old story is repeated or pretend you got a very important phone call to make or just tell it straight to her face enough of your problem can we focus on the beautiful thing over here/this happy news etc. Or just walk away.

2. A drainer is almost always negative

If five minutes into a conversation you find yourself feeling tired or sucked in, in a very negative way, take a step back and review the conversation. Chances are you got a drainer there. Try steering the conversation to a more positive tone or make it lighter in mood. If your attempts fail then move on and excuse yourself.

3. A drainer is self-centred

A drainer is always self-centred and hardly pay attention to what you are saying or if he/she hears you they are always thinking of what to say to steer the conversation back to them and them only. If you catch yourself doing that take note and refrain from monopolizing the conversation. I learned it the hard way and I thank many who have told me off or pointed out to me that the world doesn't revolve around me. You may lose the friendship for a bit but sooner or later if the time is ripe the drainer will realise it and perhaps may change for the better.

Do you know a drainer yourself or are you a drainer yourself? The energy that we exudes really matters. Are you positive enough today?