We all know that we are all going to die some day. Yet the way some people behave is like they have a death wish or they feel they still have a lot of time left on Earth and they can afford to squander away precious time and resources, depends on how you look at it.
My first memory of death was of my grandma lying down on a hospital bed and my mom opened the window and we peeked in from outside as I was barely 5 back in May 1985. The image is clearly etched in my memory, my grandma with her eyes closed and being given the oxygen mask, even at four years old I knew death is a grave thing and it was not fun or an occassion for merry making. The next thing I remember was a blur of activities and many strangers coming into the family home and we all had to don white and black, and my mom with her pregnant belly, kneeling down over the coffin and crying. My baby sister was born less than 3 months later before my grandma's 100 days after her passing. My first encounter with death and joy of birth happening almost simultaneously.
Fast forward to a joyful childhood where I grew up being the only Chinese-speaking girl in my class of 37, and having to learn a new language(s) with my playmates, to a dramatic move away from my childhood town to my parents' hometown with more teenage angst and hormonal outbursts and finally University and my first job and finally a decent boyfriend that my parents approve of lol.
My second encounter with death and joy was in the year of 2007. My grandpa died 10 days before my wedding reception in my hometown. It was really a mixed feeling. I was quite close to my grandpa and from wearing white and delivering his eulogy at his funeral, I was made to change into a red outfit immediately after he was laid to rest as I was to be a bride in the next week. According to Chinese customs, white or black signify sadness or bad luck or death, and red or bright colours signify joy and birth and happy occassions or celebration like New Year or weddings.
Another red and white occassion and it happened within such a short span of time.
Things happen in threes just because it is the favourite number of the Universe or so I believe, in 2013 my son was born earlier than his due date and exactly 30 days later my mother-in-law passed away. It was all predestined, earlier birth that was unplanned, and 30 days later the death that occurred on the day the red eggs were distributed. Chinese customs usually see people giving out red eggs (the egg shell dyed with edible food dye) as red signifies happiness). It was another mixed emotions occassion for everyone. We took it in stride and mourned while not being too consumed by grief as we had our long awaited newborn son to take care of.
In times like this I felt that it was a good test of our mettle and inner strength, it was also a good training field for us to practise equanimity where we ain't supposed to be too carried away by happiness and excitement nor are we supposed to be drowning in grief and despair. We consider ourselves to be privileged to be thrown such challenges because what doesn't kill you really make you stronger and hopefully wiser.
This time around life is Kind. And we are thankful for that. We can truly enjoy our newborn baby girl and I feel like it is a second chance for us to enjoy a peaceful start to enjoying infanthood, a chance denied to us the first round as death was looming as my late mother-in-law exceeded doctors' prognosis and stayed alive with her resolve to see her unborn grandson. This time around we truly appreciate the gift of life that we receive and for that we are truly grateful.
I always remind myself having experienced death and joy simultaneously three times in my life so far: "At the end of our life here on earth, when it is the last of our hour, when we are about to breathe our last and the inhale was never followed by an exhale, what will be my final thoughts? I just know that my final thought should be and must be happy and contented with no regrets of a life lived well." ~ Sue Tiong
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